Intro to a non-mom

This blog is going to be about women who chose not to be moms. I am 31 years old, married, a teacher, and NOT a mom. This is shocking to almost everyone I meet. Most people say something like, “Oh, well you still have plenty of time”. That would be true, if I wanted children. But I don’t. That is the most shocking part to people. I used to say things like, “Actually, I am really not interested in having children”. After alarming looks I usually got, “Well, that is just selfish”.  I am writing this  blog as an ask for consideration. Consider that there is an alternative to marriage and the baby carriage. We should also think twice before judging people who are happily married (my husband and I have been married for over 7 years) without children. There needs to be an open conversation about happily married people who do NOT have kids. What does that look like? Where does fulfillment and significance come from when you don’t have kids? I hope that through the comments and thoughts shared on this blog post, eyes will be opened to the choices that we have as married couples in the 21st century.

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13 thoughts on “Intro to a non-mom

  1. HI… My husband and i have been married for 13 years and made the decision not to pro-create as well. We have experienced the same negativity not just from friends but from family as well. This is so difficult especially for me because i as most are a people pleaser. The pressure was so intense that i even consider just doing it so that everyone would shut up and be happy for our own happiness and support us in ways we need and wanted. We enjoy our freedom and are enjoying our lives and each other. Sure there are days when we would imagine what our kids would look like, what we would name them but that’s about it. I especially get irritated when people say that we will love each other on another level if we have children and experience a new level of commitment. That may be true, but having kids is not the only way. Thanks for creating this blog – it’s refreshing to read other peoples’ stories and is a good reality check for me.

  2. Hi! I just came across your blog as I’m looking to hear more from people like me. I’ve been amazed (over the years) by the crazy looks and judgmental comments I receive when telling people I may not have children. And when I say “may” it’s really me softening the blow to their eagerly anticipated question of “When???” as if assuming it WILL happen. It just must, right?

    I would love to subscribe to your blog if you’re still writing. I think it’s important for us married-no-children gals to have a community. And I love your view on how we’re still able to nurture and develop children that are not our own. Please keep up the great writing! 🙂

  3. Good work, Tornado! You are absolutely right; no one knows you and Mark like you and Mark 🙂 Thank you for starting up a dialogue about this topic.

  4. Mark and Tara, I’m sorry people are so opinionated . It’s no ones business but yours. You are both so talented and have so much to offer. Put your faith and trust in God and don’t worry. I agree w/ amber, I wish you were closer to us.
    Love ya.

    .

  5. Great post! I think if both hubby and wife don’t want kids- then it’s a perfect fit! You guys would make cute babies though! Lol I think it would be way more selfish to bring kiddos into the world if they were unwanted then feel resentment toward them!

    You go girl!

  6. As you know me and Ronda do not have kids either. Our decision was mutual not one sided so as long as you and Mark agree there is nothing wrong with that choice. Also we to where scrutinized by friends and family. The worst was from a Preacher friend that even used Biblical scripture to try and tell us the choice we where making was wrong. Untill the Lord lays it on your heart to have kids then and only then worry about having kids or not.

  7. This is why you all need to move HERE! We have already met so many wonderful people our age and older in the same situation. What you have to realize is that different parts of the country, city vs. rural life, etc, all have different views as to what ‘normalcy’ or ‘happy’ is. All that’s important is that you remain confident in your decision and do what’s best for you and your husband. And always remember that those who love you the most will support you regardless.

  8. I think this is a great idea! I also do not think you are being selfish for not wanting kids, actually I think it’s the opposite. We all know what would be best for ourselves, you can’t let others dictate your decisions. Kiddos to you!

    1. I am so refreshed to hear people talking about this topic! I don’t have kids and don’t feel the need to judge how my mom friends spend their time- yet SOME feel they can critique mine. “Well she doesn’t have kids…” Everything I achieve and do is all because I don’t have kids- otherwise by their definition it would be impossible. It is harsh when friends can’t celebrate success or happiness in their mom-less friends lives.

  9. I guess I didn’t realize you guys were getting so much pressure or negativism about not having kids. Its a choice you both made-probably a long time ago. Who am I or anyone else to judge. Yes, I have 4 amazing kids (that you are welcome to dote on anytime you want!) but that is what hubby and I chose. You know we love you guys and support whatever choices you make. I just wish you would have chosen a job closer to us! 😀

  10. Jeff and I receive the same thing.. You are selfish.. You aren’t making your Mom a grandma,Ronda, since you are an only child..
    You guys would make awesome parents-Kids love you–
    That is all well and good, but Jeff and I are the ones that have to raise and care for a child or children. Not our Peers!!

    We have been happily married for almost 20 yrs..
    God put us together, as he knew that both didn’t desire children. We don’t hate children by no means.. Just chose not to have any of our own.

    My Mom told me in the First 5 yrs of our marriage..
    “Ronda, hun, when you and Jeff get tired of one another, have children.”
    I said.. “wouldn’t thatmean divorce”
    she said “NO”
    “I mean, you and Jeff get up and go where you want, when you want and are happy. Nothing is tying you down”… { that may make some mad for saying it like that…. Sorry}
    When you are ready to settle down and or just have done all you want to do as a couple, then have a child.”

    Well, I was raised by my grandparents and was an only child. To this day..5 months before my 40th b-day, I have yet to change one single diaper.. EVER!!

    I do not believe it is selfish….
    it is a choice, just like everything else, we as humans do every day.
    CHOOSE HOW TO LIVE OUR LIVES.. either as individuals or in relationships.

    To each, his own. As the saying goes.

    Okay, you asked for comments—-> there was mine!!!
    🙂

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